American Miserablist

by Big Loser

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recorded, mixed and mastered by Phillip Odom at Bad Wolf Recordings in Austin, TX October 2015 - December 2015


released April 1, 2016

Chase Spruiell - vox, guitar
Mark Hawley - guitar, back up vox
Gabe Garcia - drums, back up vox
Cameron Taggart - bass
Sam Howden - Trumpet


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Big Loser Texas

American rock band from Austin, TX

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Track Name: No Better
the cans and the bottles littered the floor
and the trash piled up in the corners
everybody went home half drunk at least
and somebody left their jean jacket

memories from the night include but aren’t limited to:
a broken argument about what punk rock needs
a rowdy crowd of men who missed the point of it
a female’s silhouette lost behind a scene
a rolled up cigarette that I lit up myself

I can only be as good as I can be
and know better
Track Name: Pity
tell it to yourself
tell yourself you don’t need anybody else
squeeze pity from under the folds of American lands
cause freedom is too much
you can’t handle what you want
hide behind a cloud of fear and disparity because you want somebody
to feel sorry for you
it wasn’t your choice to be born
it wasn’t your fault that your backbone was destroyed
but it’s a long road, you gotta be stronger
the lies inside your head would be strange thoughts to a better man
I know you’re a better man
not everybody can be so lucky to choose sorrow under the stars
and with anarchy on my lip, I’ll empathize with your reasons to starve
pity’s not a gift
and you don’t give a shit

you don’t give a shit
and that is fucked
Track Name: Brainless
I was listless
liver doomed to the gutter
I was brainless
drinking until I was no one
it was seamless
the blend of the black from the window
it was painless
passing out onto the carpet

I didn’t want to feel stupid,
but there I was being human
it’s like heaven to just forget it,
but it hurts like hell to recollect it

it was easy
letting go of the minutes
in front of a tv
numbing the nerves in the seconds
with the color
fading into the darkness
and the paper
vacant of any expression,
collecting the dust.

it was in my head that you were with me
it was in my head that you could hear me
what an imagination I must have had
what a desperate time that I had

you go your way,
I’ll just black out.
you go your way,
I’ll just stay down.
you go your way,
I’ll just black out.
you go your way
and I’ll stay down.
Track Name: The Human Ship
pennies on the ground
concrete covered floors
I timidly approach automatic doors
fire in the sea
biting like shark teeth
little creatures wash ashore

in this fluorescent light
I feel like the present tense might
be just a little too much for me

grass that doesn’t grow
beneath bullet proof windows
keep the children off the street, please
we’re mistaught, in illusion
with a fragile state of reason
advance the human ship, today!

this design will take us in
with no fear for what consequence
if these words could ever win,
I might write a song about it

in this fluorescent light
I feel like the present tense might
be just a little too much for me
and I’ve been dying to say it
and you’ve been dying to hear it
this won’t amount to anything
I’ve been dying to say these words
it’s been a long time coming
this won’t amount to anything
Track Name: Pioneer
I will wander down the road again
looking for the things I need to find
and Lanni tells me, yeah she tells me
if you wander too far you might get left behind

there’s just no way to make things work
when all they seem to do is break

and when the pioneers all made their way
they left no place for me to stand and carve my name
so I went to florida, I drove across the U.S.A.
just to see if I could carve it in anyway

and just when things begin to work
I find a way to make them break

and turning, burning in my head
is the beauty of error and the error of beauty again and again
it’s such a sweet old conviction
that there are absolutes, and pathways to perfection

there’s just no way to make things work
when all they seem to do is break
and just when things begin to work
I leave room to let them break
Track Name: Winners & Losers
nobody ever told me that one day I was gonna lose
and nobody ever told me what to do
so I was left with guessing as I stood there in between
what I thought were nightmares and what I thought were dreams

how come all the times that I’ve won
leave me with this sense of tenderness inside my bones?
and how come all the times that I’ve lost
take me to the wrong places I know I shouldn’t go?
I know I shouldn’t go

and if I underestimate the cause of the machine
I will die by breathless hands and finer things
I refuse this masquerading crowd
for every winner, there’s a loser
tell me, is that what life is all about?
Track Name: Good Song, Bad Time
here’s a good song for a bad time, with the wrong words but the right lines
here’s an old voice with enough room to keep on singing out of tune
for the rainbow in a raincoat on a cold day singing for the moon
for the hard working hands who wore out their plans

here’s a long walk and a short talk of the good things that the bad brought
here’s the missteps and the mistakes and the hard road the heart takes
for the dirt down in the pitfalls that the sun never saw
for the reasons that we get there and the reasons we stay here

I hope you know that anyone who says you can’t
never understood what matters in the end
you show ‘em something: what it’s like to survive

in the end you will remember all the hearts you stole
in the end you find that losing is what makes you whole
Track Name: How To Be Alone
you got off of the plane
you put memories in my brain
we drove down to 35th
yeah, I felt okay in my skin

and you say,
it’s always me

I counted 308
for the days you’d been away
when the loneliness kicked in
that’s when it started to happen again

but this time,
it’s not gonna be me

there’s a lot that you don’t know
about the absence of a home
and there’s a lot that I have learned
out here on my own

and I say,
it won’t be me

and when I say that it’s not me,
I don’t know what man I am trying to be
cause when I learned how to be alone,
I found that I was wrong

I guess everybody needs somebody
everybody needs somebody
Track Name: Song Called Courage
I get stuck sometimes, sand in the soles of my shoes
and the more I try to move, the less I do
and sympathy aside, I ask a wise man why I try
and he smiles towards a door he points to and hey says,

the door’s for you
the door’s for you,
go right on through

the obvious suggestion would be to decipher the message
and to try to find the lesson in the room
but the quicksand keeps me guessing,
so I destroy my sense of presence
with the nearest chemical that I can use

that old temporary fix
I keep on getting stuck on it
I wish that I could climb out of my shoes
yeah that old temporary fix
I try to make the most of it
but what does temporary even do?

how many ways can you go through a door?
how many steps do you have to make?
how much distance is there on the floor?
do you know what it takes?

yeah I got legs and I got feet
I got lists, I got everything I need
except the one thing I call courage,
yeah the one thing I call courage to do,
to do the right thing
Track Name: Stuck In Yesterday
you look directly at the things that are simply seen
with no expectation for the person that you wanna be
don’t you look good with the vultures circling your brain
don’t you feel fine in the eye of the hurricane

it takes a lot to turn the page
but if you live your life afraid of change
you’ll plant your roots inside a cage
you’ll just be lost and stuck in yesterday

on the walls of your room there are traces of
every diamond that you dug through every lost love
what do you get from settling inside the mud
are you inclined to let an angel pass you by

your dream has just become a dream
the wretched ghost of your reality
you didn’t want to turn the page
so you stayed lost and stuck in yesterday

you slowly settle for the hunger of an animal
you justify that your innocence is natural
don’t you look good with your belly big and beautiful
you can’t pine when you’re high all the time

and maybe that is just the way
you get by when everything begins to change
so who am I to try and say
that you are lost and stuck in yesterday
Track Name: Bold Promises, Empty Dreams
don’t ask me where I’m going
sometimes it’s just a moment that takes me far away
you can choose your breath however you want it
but the more you want it, you find that it gets harder and harder to breathe

don’t ask me where I’m headed
sometimes I just accept that what I try to control controls me
you can lose your head inside a wallet
or a job that you hate. bold promises and empty dreams

and somewhere in America, in the greatest irony
where you must work your life away if you desire to be free
there’s a boy in a box, and he’s barely 23
he didn’t want a job, he just wanted to be
but nobody dared to love him with him living in the streets
we just tell him to make some money, if wants to be free

all the words I should say aren’t the ones you want to hear
America, it likes to breed our misery as we get lost in everything
hollow words behind sharpened teeth, oh how we bite to see it bleed
America, how great to be so fucking free, as lost as anything can be

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